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My lesson in Self-Love

Receiving with Grace
Self-love, to me, is about receiving with grace.
How Don Piper received with grace

I just read Don Piper’s book “90 minutes in heaven”, which describes the true story of how Baptist Minister Don Piper died for a total of 90 minutes in a near-fatal car crash. His recovery was painfully slow, and for a person who was used to serving others, he had to lay immobile on a bed for many months and be tortured by pain constantly. He spoke about how people prayed for him, and some even took turns looking after him while his wife would go to work. The volunteers would chat with him, and ask whether he wanted a drink, a magazine, or listen to some music, anything at all.

At first Don Piper was in deep misery and was frustrated at them asking such pointless questions. He was suffering so much and nobody could help him alleviate his pain at all. He felt utterly useless, and saw himself as a burden to his wife and kids. What’s the point of reading a magazine? Then he realized that all these people really wanted was to have a role in serving him. His miraculous story of coming back to life without any brain damage belongs not only to him, but also to everyone who prayed for him. These people needed to serve, even if it’s in small acts of kindness, and he was denying them that chance.

Soon, he started receiving with Grace. He would say yes to having a magazine to read, to having a glass of water, to listening to some music. The volunteers were delighted to be able to play a part in his recovery, and Don Piper learned that even by the simple act of receiving, he was helping them and himself heal.

My story of self-love

I learned a lot about self-love through my ten-year relationship with my husband.

He is the first and only boyfriend I ever had!


I have to confess that I have been fantasizing about the perfect Prince Charming since my childhood days, and so when I finally got into this relationship during varsity days, I wanted Happily Ever After immediately.


This meant making him happy to have me, and not to disagree with him. He became the Number One in my life, which lasted for quite a few years.


The turning point came when he said I love myself too much. I was devastated that he didn’t see the sacrifices I made, just for him.


But as I reflected upon it. he was right. I have built this whole relationship based on me, on how I think he is supposed to appreciate the sacrifices I made, the gifts I gave, the tender loving care I gave; and yet I didn’t particularly respond to the sacrifices he made, the gifts he gave, the tender loving care he gave. I wasn’t even aware of receiving all these from him. 


I neglected to receive his love with grace.


I gradually built my own self-identity that isn’t reliant on him, and I focused on US as well. It’s definitely not easy, but it sure is rewarding. I love it that we are both expanding (now physically too! :P) in the ways that we want, and are supporting each other as well.


What is your story of Self-Love? Do comment or blog about it too! :-)